Recently I was looking over the book titles on my shelf, and I saw the motivational sales tool known as “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” This is a book I was instructed to read during my time as a sales manager, as my supervisor believed it would help to develop my ability to sell and be a better leader for my subordinates. I never did read the book, but when I saw the title again, I was inspired to write a post that could give important life lessons while not using the basic manipulation tactics described by the author Dale Carnegie.
I don’t mean to belittle the wisdom shared by Mr. Carnegie, or to say that his methods are not effective. Rather, I believe that we can cultivate a more compassionate and loving world if we focus our efforts on working together rather than trying to push others to see our side of things. We are all created equal in this life, and to bring about equality for all beings, we must first treat them all as if they are the same as us. This means removing our ego and finding a common ground that will lead us the highest good for all.
I have altered the main points of the book to show the contrast between what Mr. Carnegie presents and how I believe we can all act to bring about a more peaceful society with equal opportunity for all. I encourage you to respond in the comments to share your ideas and facilitate a more complete view of how humans should interact with one another.
Communicate with Compassion and Patience
The first main focus that Mr. Carnegie brings up is how to Communicate with Diplomacy and Tact. While diplomacy is an important aspect of any successful community or society, I believe compassion to be a more effective use of our energy. Diplomacy assumes there are different sides to any situation, meaning that there is a compromise that must be found to satisfy the desires of all parties involved. Compassion, on the other hand, is an understanding that we are all in the same situation together, and therefore cooperation and understanding of other’s feelings are paramount to finding the highest good for all. Rather than every person giving up something for the whole group to be satisfied, compassion allows all individuals to see that what is good for others is good for them. This leads each person to let go of their selfish wants and focus on what everyone in the situation needs.
With regard to communicating with tact, I cannot agree more with the author. However, more important than tact is what many of us lack, which is patience. We all must strive to have the patience to hear every person’s story, and listen intently with an open mind. Most people only listen to respond, while someone with patience and compassion listens to truly feel what the other person is feeling. Patience is in my opinion the most important virtue we can possess, for it allows us to let things happen as they should, rather than trying to influence the outcome. This ensures we move towards peace and happiness among all parties.
Give Love to Other People
Next, Mr. Carnegie describes his methods to Make People Like You. This statement in of itself is egotistical and should be avoided. We are not here on this planet to make other people happy, we are here to experience love. We cannot receive love from others when we are using our power of intention to get them to like us. This creates a wall of separation between you and the other person, which is the exact opposite of receiving love. Instead, we should strive, in any situation, to Give Love to Other People! When we give love, we are putting our heart’s energy into the Universe and allowing it to be received by all. Not only does this open your heart and allow you to receive love from others, but it stretches your heart beyond its old dimensions and increases your capacity for giving and receiving love. This creates a domino effect within your life and the lives of others that will only increase the amount of love flowing throughout the Universe. Nothing could be better.
Increase Capacity for Teamwork
Thirdly, Mr. Carnegie tells us how to Increase the Ability to Get Things Done. While individual effort is extremely important, I feel that your personal ability only goes as far as your mind and body can fathom. When we work with others, the amount of work we can accomplish grows exponentially, and we start to realize tangible changes in our reality. That is why increasing our capacity for teamwork is a very important step towards a peaceful way of living, because we see all others as potential teammates rather than competitors. We share ideas and energy freely, rather than feeling as if we have to hide our potential in order to make an impact and get a one-up on others. As the people who make war have taught us, we must organize ourselves effectively in order to bring about the peaceful change we wish to see in the world.
Become a Better Listener
How to Become a More Persuasive Communicator is the fourth skill set described by Mr. Carnegie. While many readers would describe my writing as persuasive, I am merely attempting to share my ideas to spark critical thought. I do not hope that anyone will agree with me or see my side. Rather, I prefer when others take my words and apply them to their own life in order to figure out what is truly important to them personally. That being said, being a persuasive communicator obviously has its advantages. However, I believe there is a more important skill set to have, and that is being a better listener. As I said before, it takes patience to listen to someone with earnestness and an open mind. Not thinking of your response to someone else’s statements immediately actually gives you the chance to consider everything they have said before providing insight and feedback. Taking a moment to absorb what another person says gives you the time to consider their side and what they must be going through. When you do this, your response will be more complete, and will facilitate a healthy conversation between two peers, instead of between two people at opposition with one another.
Be a More Effective Collaborator
The final point of Mr. Carnegie’s book is how to Be a More Effective Leader. Leadership is important in this world if we are to enact change and live harmoniously. However, there are different dimensions of leadership. In this context, Mr. Carnegie is more so describing how to effectively influence people to act in the way you (or your company) wishes them to act. When you attempt to motivate people in this way, you are treating them as less than human. They essentially become a robot for you to command. The way to avoid this treatment of others you must work with is to become a more effective collaborator. As we all share this reality and equally co-create what we experience, we must realize that working together is the only way to live in the world we all want to. Freedom, equality, and well-being for all is the pinnacle we must strive for, and the first step towards that dream is to collaborate with others. Releasing fears you may have of being taken advantage of, being left out, or being left behind, you will see the potential that every single human being has for greatness. This is an inherent quality within each one of us, and when we allow others to feel free around us to share ideas and their efforts, we not only increase their capacity for work, but the entire planet as a whole.
At first glance, it may appear that I am trying to sway people away from reading Mr. Carnegie’s book, or to talk down on salesman, or to say that individual effort is not important. That simply is not the case. I am rather sharing an unpopular point of view; that putting others first is the key to progressing humanity towards a Utopian society. Not only that, but putting others first is actually the key to our own personal happiness. How, you may ask? Well, when we put others’ needs before our own, we realize that they are part of us, and we are an incomplete being without them. This eliminates the need for ego and allows you to live freely, in a pursuit of the highest good for all beings.
“How to Win Friends and Influence People” shares great wisdom with those who reads it about how we can make an impact in our individual lives. Getting people to see your side and go along with what you want is something that can help you achieve personal success and a sense of happiness, no doubt. But winning friends is not merely enough; we must keep those friends once they are with us. Influencing people to your way of doing things is not enough; we must find a way that works for all of us. Those are the crucial aspects of Mr. Carnegie’s book that I believe are missing for us to become truly successful and happy people. For what is success? A great paying job, a high closing rate, and a group of blind followers? Or is it a career that you love working on each day, a high level of satisfaction in all of your daily activities, and a close group of friends dedicated to making the world a better place? We could debate the true definition of success forever, but the truth is that it is relative to the individual. What I am trying to get you to see is that your individual success will absolutely pale in comparison to the success of many striving for the same purpose.
We must band together, all of us who are working to make this world better for those who come after us. We must set aside our differences, our personal desires, and our need to achieve. We must see others as a reflection of ourselves, put the needs of others before our own, and just let the pieces fall where they may. The Universe has a grand design, and the more we allow it to flow throughout our lives, the more love and peace will be allowed into our lives and the lives of every other person in this reality. It really is simple; communicate with compassion and patience, give love to other people, increase your capacity for teamwork, become a better listener, and be a more effective collaborator. When you take these steps, our abilities of co-creation grow beyond our wildest dreams and we start living the dream together, in harmony, forever. Much love readers. Namaste.