Here I am at the end of the Universe all alone, wondering what life has in store.
It still amazes me that the cells of my brain are made up of infinitely smaller particles that I in no way can see nor touch, yet I know they are there because it has been observed many times over. What’s even wilder is that the particles that make up my brain are the same particles that existed as stars and stardust a billion years ago.
When did I become me? When was this consciousness born? If I am a reincarnation, where are my past lives? Do the sum of our experiences define us or are we reborn as a phoenix or like the hero’s journey? Basically, I’d just like to know what the fuck it all means!
All I can say for now is: ART. Our art is our gift and therefore it is the purpose of our lives. If we cannot give back, then our existence is purely egotistical, but then why would we want to be around others at all? These questions drive me mad at times, but only when I try to comprehend the immensity of the answers. Rather, if I focus on my own life each day, I realize the beauty that is inherent in our fleeting existence. I see the things around me that I sometimes take for granted because I’m busy inside my own head. The brain tries to understand its existence and to control all that it fathoms. Anything that escapes the brain’s comprehension is written off… but as what?
That depends on the person I would say. But it also depends on that moment in the person’s journey, because for me, the answer has changed throughout my life. My first conscious memories are as a young boy where all I cared about was toys, dinosaurs, and airplanes. No internet, no real video games, not really friends I spent a lot of time with, just my grandparents, sometimes my aunts, and my mother. My father still to this day has had very little involvement in my life. The most time I have spent with him where it actually meant something was when I had graduated high school and used his house as a base camp during my summer job, and when I left LA in a hurry and lived at home for a month. Other than that, I haven’t done much with the guy.
That is what is so strange to me. This man, who I for a while desperately craved attention and approval from, gave me almost nothing in this world. Well, not nothing, but no more than I have given any of my closest friends in terms of love, support, and even spending money on them. Yet, despite all of this; everything I wished my dad would have been was what kept me going. My mom told me to be what I wanted to be and to live how I wanted to live. My dad said that there was a plan for how we were supposed to live, and then there would be a plan after we died. And one guy knew it all. Since my mom didn’t sway me one way or the other, I went with the guy who I thought knew all the answers.
Turns out, God is just another name for what is absolutely unexplainable. Every culture has its roots in religion, because it brought people together and created a model form to emanate. And every religion has a deity of some kind, except for obviously Buddhism… but that’s an entirely different argument. These deities apparently have wills of their own, and they either collectively make up all the forces of nature or the one supreme being does. The problem then becomes what happens to those who challenge the gods? In Greek mythology, they can be cast to Hade, or sometimes they surprise us and earn a spot on Olympus. Either way though, it seems gods or God are not really invincible, plus they can’t stop people from rising up against them, and some humans even become the level of a god. So that means that we all have the strength within us to challenge the gods or even join them, which can only lead to the fact that we are all gods or fragments of the one true God.
That was confusing. Anyway, so if we are all pieces of the whole (meaning the Universe/existence), what is making up the other pieces? Let’s talk the physical realm first. So every star came from elements that were formed during the Big Bang/Creation of the Universe. Some of the stars died and their stardust became planets and asteroids and the like. Some of those planets (or maybe only one) developed life using the same elements that the original stars were made of. So either we randomly formed to exist in this current state of consciousness, or we have been creating ourselves, going through a cycle of transformation, ending that life cycle, and then starting over.
That is what freaks me out when I take psychedelics sometimes (or I guess just mostly the last time, but still). I start to break down my life into individual decisions that I have made from birth until right now. I realize that our decisions make up at least our daily lives and our memories. Nothing would have happened in our life if we hadn’t made a decision. No one can make it for you. The only time you might come close is when you are a physical slave to someone. But even then, you can choose to stand up for yourself. You may be scared to do it, and I definitely was. See, I believe that most working class humans are slaves. The ruling elite do whatever they wish (within the physical realm at least) and we are the ones who are made to suffer and struggle to get by. But psychedelics destroyed my fear of standing up to the Man. I didn’t know that fear existed until I dropped for the first time. I thought it was just the way of things and how I should live my life. I never considered that what my mom had taught me might actually be true. That I can control my life, and therefore I choose my path and what kind of person I want to be. If I choose that, then I choose everything else in life; what to eat, what to wear, how I want my body to look (what shape I’m in), who I’m friends with, where I live… everything!
So, if we choose everything, and our life is made up of all those decisions, then the Universe is a collection of different conscious beings making decisions. All these decisions affect each other in some way. Sometimes the effect is greater or lesser depending on proximity, intensity, and many other factors such as connection between the entities (telepathic or otherwise). Then the question starts to become… have we always been ‘separate’ as it seems our consciousness is?
I think NO. I think that our brain is stopping us from realizing that we all exist as one giant Universe spanning the lengths of time. Not only that, but we can connect with all beings in all of existence at any time just by letting go. We are all floating specks of stardust on a rock orbiting a giant flame in the middle of space. But there are rocks orbiting stars all over, and they are all different, and it seems they are all in a constant state of flux. That’s because at every moment we are making decisions to continue moving, and the more positive and proactive our decisions become, the more altruistic and beautiful our lives will be. We are pushing this Universe in all different directions, but I can feel many others waking up as I have. We are realizing that not only are our specks made from the same stuff and come from the same place, but that the consciousness that brought those specks together is also a part of the Universe that we cannot see.
This is what I think dark matter is. Dark matter is the force that binds everything in the Universe together (in the physical realm). That is why there is Yin and Yang, night and day; because one cannot exist without the other. That is why gravity cannot be fully explained. Objects with mass are sitting on a giant tapestry of space, and the bigger ones weigh more so they pull more towards them. But why aren’t the objects themselves being affected by the gravity they create? This mystery has puzzled scientists since gravity was discovered. The reason is that our mass (aka singular) consciousness brought these objects into being. I feel that most objects (except for perhaps man-made) have a soul or being of some kind that manages them. They emit a certain energy depending on the material and any charge it was given. Many objects can absorb energy as well. The energy that is transferred between objects, and from us to them and vice versa, that energy is US. We each have a unique energy that is constantly changing due to the stimuli we encounter in physical life and our spiritual life. We have control over this energy and can balance it, emit it, or hide it away when we wish. When we have tapped into this ability, we have begun to reach the level of the gods.
The more we hone our skills in the way of mastering our ENERGY, not our minds, the more we become one with the Universe and therefore with all others that exist here. When we hone our energy and learn how to emit it in its truest form, we begin to find the origin of our being; the true purpose of our life. That purpose can be, yet only is: ART. What we create is who we are. We make decisions to become who we are, and therefore our decisions form us and our physical realm. When we make every decision with the intention of full expressions of our energy and our being, we tap into our spiritual being and create unique art that can never be duplicated. We have finally made our mark on the world, and really on the Universe as a whole.
That’s right, when you create your art you are giving a gift to the world that has never been known before. Some might argue that nothing is original, because every possibility has been thought of already. I say they are wrong. Most things are an imitation of sorts, because they are all an amalgamation of whatever came before it. There is no starting at square one in terms of what will be created within this Universe. If the Universe stops expanding, we most likely will find ourselves in the abyss and join together once more to become One Being, One God, and create the origins of everything that could or will be. Even then, though, we don’t just wipe that memory of existence from our being. It is always there, just not always in ways that we can explain through language.
So now, I know what I need to do. Yes, I am a great leader, but that is not a gift I can spontaneously create. I need to be doing something that people will want to be led to do. For me, I know that it is music that will cause people to follow me. It already has through my endeavors, and it will continue now in a different form. I will show the world my light for as long as I can, and then I will come back and try to do it all over again. If not; if we cannot all wake up in time and we end this beautiful existence, then who knows what will happen?
All I can say is that right here matters. Right now. The rest is up for debate. So, let go of what your brain is telling you to do, and let your light shine. Share your art with the world before its too late. Show the people around you how beautiful you believe life to be; that it’s worth protecting. Even if you inspire just one other person to pursue their dreams, then you have done the work of a lifetime. Remember that, and you will never have a reason not to do what you love.
And I will leave you with that: The musings of a young man pondering our existence. Good night.