Finding Your Meaning

So I know it’s been a while since I’ve last written anything for my readers. It’s really been too long. I could come up with a million excuses as to why I haven’t been writing… I’ve been busy job hunting and then apartment hunting and then furniture hunting, I’ve been working and focusing on myself, I haven’t felt the motivation to write, I’ve been too absorbed with music, or that I’ve had writer’s block. All of those could be true… but should never stop someone from doing something they love to do.

No, instead the real reason I haven’t been writing is because I haven’t felt confident enough to give other people advice, when I can’t even figure out my own life. Weird right? The person that gives advice all the time out of advice to give? That’s how I felt, though, until now. I recently hit rock bottom, not too long ago, right after my birthday where I turned the ripe old age of 25. I’ll spare you all the details because I don’t want pity (and probably don’t deserve it).

Moving on, I find myself tonight, finishing the second week of a job which I’ve just started which I love. I don’t gather all my self-esteem from my career, but having a job that you enjoy, you get paid well to do, and that makes the world a better place all seem to help. Anyway, tonight I’m living in a new city, in a new apartment, with no friends for hundreds of miles, and just a bed and my dog. So naturally, I’ve been doing some thinking.

That’s all you can do with no one to talk to besides a cute puppy that just stares back at me as if everything I say is the most important thing anyone has ever uttered in history. I’ve been reflecting on my life; the mistakes, the hardships, the good times, and what is to come. What I’ve realized is that I’m extraordinarily lucky to be where I am right now. I’ve made so many mistakes that some would say I shouldn’t even be alive right now. So what I am doing everyday is making it count and working toward something.

I don’t know exactly what yet. All I know is, that I am meant to still be here. Nothing else makes sense. I have been given a voice and a life, and people listen to what I have to say. That means something in this world. Not only that, but I have a means to an end. Again, I don’t know what that end is yet, but I’m going to keep working until I find out.

You know, I was given a book by a great man; Matt Stewart, who I’ve learned a lot from. It’s called “Man’s Search for Meaning.” I read the Foreword. That’s it so far. Then I put it down because it weighed heavy on my heart. So I watched Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2, and I realized something (this is cheesy, but bear with me). Harry doesn’t know what his destiny really is. He’s told by all sorts of people that he shouldn’t be alive, or that he will die, or that he’s irresponsible and cocky, etc. Well I’ve been told all those things too.

No, I’m not saying that I am some kind of hero. I’m no different than anyone else in my capabilities. I’m just saying that we are all told things in our life, but that does not create our reality. We are the ones who create our own reality. We are responsible for everything that happens in our own lives. I hate to say it sometimes, but it’s true. It’s so easy to pass the blame, or to make excuses, or to say that you’re just unlucky (which I definitely feel like sometimes).

However, what I’ve realized tonight is that we need to stop doing those things. Who cares about who’s rich and who’s not? Who cares what religion someone practices? Who cares what sexual orientation you are? Do those things matter when we die? Hell no they don’t! What matters is the people you knew and the impact you left on this world. That should be the only thing that you ever care about in this life. Am I selfish sometimes, ABSOLUTELY. Everyone is, and I think it’s unhealthy if you’re not every once in a while. In fact, I think it can be a testament to what kind of person you are if you take care of yourself, and care for others.

OK, so I know I’m rambling slightly, so let’s get back to the point. Man’s search for meaning… We all have a purpose in life, and the sad thing is, I don’t know if everyone really achieves it. Well, my goal is to keep working my ass off until I find out what my purpose is. Right now I know this; I have been gifted with the ability to speak and for people to listen. Whether it’s in person, in a speech, or with my writing, people heed what I say a lot of the time. I also know that I can be a good leader. I lead by example, and I also demand respect by the way I treat others. Finally, I know that I enjoy helping others improve. I say helping them improve versus ‘helping others’ because sometimes when you give aid, it doesn’t do jack shit.

What I mean is, to quote the Bible “Give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, you feed him the rest of his life.” Unfortunately, when we give the homeless a place to live, and give them food, we are only helping them for as long as the help is there. Once we stop, they have learned nothing and have only lived longer to not improve themselves. Now I’m not saying that helping people is a bad thing, but what I’m saying is that when I help others, it is to help them improve. I want them to take lessons from me, apply them to their own lives, and then go out and improve their own situation. That is what I’ve had to do; I haven’t been given any handouts. I’ve had to work for everything I have (which isn’t much yet).

But I do have my health, my happiness, my dog, a place to sleep, food to eat, a family that loves me, and a job. No one said life was easy or fair, and so I know I must keep working to get anything that I want. And what I want is to find what my meaning is; my purpose for being here. When I find that, I know nothing else will matter but to pursue that purpose. Sounds intense; because it is. I don’t want to waste my time here, because I know it is limited. I want to make the biggest impact I can; not to be remembered or be famous. But rather, to help make the change happen that I want to see in this world.

I’m tired of the bickering over religion and sexual orientation and money. It’s pointless. None of that matters while we are rotting in our graves. Yes, I want to have fun while I’m here, because after I’m gone, I think people should keep having fun. I also want to leave my message with the world; to open your mind and accept people for who they are, not what labels society may place on them. It’s funny to think that I care about being open minded so much, because not once have I been persecuted for anything I believe: I was raised Christian, I’m a white, Anglo-Saxon male, and I am heterosexual. There’s no possible way to discriminate against me in American culture really. But it utterly disgusts me how our society and others treat people who are different than the norm. That part of my purpose, I am sure of.

So, what does all of this mean that I’ve just said? Well, if you haven’t been considering your own life, probably not very much. However, if you’ve taken this opportunity to consider what you’ve done so far, and what you’re meant to do, then maybe… just maybe I’ve done my part. Take that challenge from me today: don’t settle for what society and other people tell you. No, fuck that. You take everything you want from life. Leave your mark on the world and find out what your purpose is. We are the masters or our own destinies, and we shape our own futures, as well as the futures of our children and our children’s children. Don’t ever forget that.

I know I may have rattled some cages with this post, and that’s OK with me. Because I am back with a vengeance. I have a message to send, and I will keep sending it until people listen or I am silenced. Thank you for reading, as always, I am accepting of any and all comments, so please please respond with your thoughts. I would very much appreciate it :-). Be brave, don’t be afraid to speak your mind, and never stop working. You’ll get to where you want to be someday, I promise you that.

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